This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
