You were right. It hurts to walk today.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
