If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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