I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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