Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
