if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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