The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
