My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
