Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
