Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i love accidental penises.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
