So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
