don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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