You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
