whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
