The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
