Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
