he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
