But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
