Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
