fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
organizing the empties. That sober.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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