Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
