i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
