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• (561): View more from Florida

  I am going to give you the keys to my place

  (1-561): View more from Florida

  Then I'll give you the keys to my heart

  (561): View more from Florida

  Gag me

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  My bottle opener just broke off in the cork

  (248): View more from Michigan

  They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.

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• (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila

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• (807): View more from Ontario

  I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.

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• (830): View more from Texas

  Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.

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• (719): View more from Colorado

  your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.

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• (850): View more from Florida

  Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways

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