i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
