im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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