Umm I'm too high to move.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Randomize
