Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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