I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
