life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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