I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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