absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
