smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
