the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
