Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
