PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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