I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
