Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
