you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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