I think my vagina is haunted
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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