I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
