FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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