Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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