the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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