I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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