I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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