You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
