I cockslap morals
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
