Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
