That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
