you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
